We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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