No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
