gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
