I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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