I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
