Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I love you.
Bad choice
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