hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
