DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
