I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this boner is exhausting
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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