i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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