I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
