I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
