Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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