im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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