it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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