My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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