you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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