ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
