haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
