i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
