R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
