Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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