So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
