That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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