This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
