fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
