fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
