Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
