i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it's great music for shaving your balls
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
