Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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