actually, I'm a sock model
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
