I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
