he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
