Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
