____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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