i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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