i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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