i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
