Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
