I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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