i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
