I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
