Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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