dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
