Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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