East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
