But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
