just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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