my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
