I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
