So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
