Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
