I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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