when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
