It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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